Stay
by Pooks1979
Summary: AU/AH/J&B - one shot– the emotional muse has struck again. The song "Stay" by Sugarland inspired this one shot. Extreme OC for both Jacob & Bella.


A/N – the emotional muse has struck again. The song "Stay" by Sugarland inspired this one shot. The topic is a little touchy for some and just know, I am not condoning such behavior or trying to justify it in any way. This was just something that came to mind and I hope you will enjoy it. Just a FYI, tt is extreme OC for both Jacob & Bella.

**Reminder – some bad language – you are warned**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BPOV**

I waited patiently as I stared at the weathered pane of my bedroom window, wondering if at any moment he would crawl through and slid between my sheets. I wondered if tonight would be the night he would claim my body as his own and make me feel like I was the only woman who could satisfy him fully. I closed my eyes as my body trembled with need for his touch.

Each night I stayed up waiting for him, yearning for him and most nights, I went to bed cold and frustrated. I knew the situation and I knew he couldn't be with me as much as I wanted him to be but I still hoped there would be that one night he would tell me he would stay. He would stay because I was everything he ever needed and all he ever wanted. I wanted to hear those words so badly it hurt. I wanted to know I was more than just a guaranteed lay.

Each time he wrapped his arms around me and whispered empty promises of our future together, I felt like I was more than just his fix. These words are what kept me at bay and eased my urge to tell his current love what we were doing. I knew I was just as guilty as he was but I couldn't fight my need to be with him. I know it sounds pathetic and many have and continue to see me as the woman with the scarlet letter, but I can't help what I feel. I continue to allow him into my bed, to make promises he never intends on keeping because deep down, I need him.

You might wonder how I got myself into this whole situation and to be honest, it just sort of happened. I can't blame anyone but myself for my current situation because like a fool, I was the one who let him get away. It was I who told him that I just didn't love him the way he loved me. I was selfish, needy and stupid .I tried to let him down softly but the end result was anything but. He stormed away from me and told me I would regret this moment and he was right. I live with this burden everyday knowing I had my true love within my grasp and I willingly let him slip through my fingers.

I could sit here and blame it on a lack of maturity or just being naïve but to some extent, I was blinded by my current love so much that I couldn't see he was more toxic for me than anything else. I met Edward in high school and was captivated by his charm and beauty. We filled our days with cuddles and our nights with thoughts of grandeur. He promised me that we would be together forever and that once we graduated, he would whisk to places yet to be discovered. I, being the stupid kid that I was, believed the lies and swam feely amongst the falsehoods of his words. At the time there was no reason to doubt both his love and guarantees of freedom so I fell willingly into his spell.

Graduation came and went and as promised, we left Forks. Unfortunately for me, all the glitz and glamour of our relationship dwindled into nothingness soon after. We moved into an apartment right outside college and within a few months, we were fighting more than making love. My fairytale life was nothing more than a dream and my real life had been nothing short of hell. This is not to say it was all bad because there were the occasional times when the make up sex was better than the lovemaking but all and all, Edward could never really manage to keep his dick in his pants.

Naturally he blamed me for everything that was wrong in our relationship and being the pusher over I was, I accepted it and pleaded for amends. I stayed with him for over two years and endured numerous break ups and make up sessions as it ran its course. It wasn't until I found out through his mother that he had in fact brought one of his sluts to their house for dinner instead of me, that I decided enough was enough. It wasn't enough for him to be little me in public and at home but he had to involve his family as well. The harsh reality of this moment was a hard undertaking. It didn't help that that same night I received a call from Billy Black, Jake's father, telling me that my father was killed in a shoot out the night before.

My life was forever changed that day. I won't lie and say I didn't consider making amends with Edward just to have someone to lean on when it came to returning home to plan the funeral, but I decided I was better off without him since he seemed better off without me.

I traveled back to Forks, leaving my less than perfect life behind. I tried to be optimistic and think of this event as the turning point in my life. In some small way I saw this as an opportunity to start fresh and make better decisions thus resulting in better outcomes than my previous ones.

I was both relieved and surprised by the outpouring of sincerity of my father's neighbors and friends. When I arrived home, I was greeted by at least a half a dozen co-workers and friends and welcomed back into the Forks family as if I had never left.

Everyone knew my father hated Edward and everyone knew he and I left on bad terms. He told me if I left with that "rag doll" as he called him, I was no longer welcome in his home. That sentence alone should have sent up the red flags and warned me that my choice wasn't right, but it didn't. I didn't want to see passed the charm of Edward Cullen. He was everything I had come to know and love and it pained me too much to part with that so I chose love over family.

However, as much as everyone was thoughtful and helpful to my situation, I always got the feeling that it was all a charade. I felt like they put on a smile just to appease me while thinking what a piece of shit daughter I was for choosing my boyfriend over my family.

My idea was not too far fetched after all because right after the funeral, everyone went back to his or her own lives and I was left in this big house all alone. I sat alone countless nights crying, screaming, and throwing things in an effort to silence my disappointment in my life. I blamed myself for not only my father's death but the death of my identity as well. I lost myself the moment we left Forks and I never really found myself after.

I have to say I was extremely surprised the night Jake showed up. Sure he was at the funeral and had come with his father and Sue to the wake, but he never once said anything other than "I'm sorry for your loss". We never spoke or made eye contact the whole time so when he arrived one cold stormy night at my doorstep, I felt both a sense of relief and sadness.

I greeted him with a fake smile and hoped he didn't see the desperation in my eyes. He was the one that got away and although I had no right to demand his affections, I longed for them so. We stood awkwardly within the archway of the front door not really sure what to say to one another. As it were, I wasn't really sure why he was there.

He stood there breathing heavily while the rain crashed down upon his tight white shirt as he stared at me with so much anger and hurt laced within his dark brown eyes. His stare was chilling and almost frightening but I was cemented in place by my minds demand to face the music. In some small way I wanted to apologize and tell him he was right but I knew none of that mattered now. It was too late for apologies and it was only fair I let him speak his peace.

I motioned for him to come in and after a few moments of intense staring, he obliged. I offered him a towel to dry off and immediately he snatched the towel from my grasp, removed his shirt and slowly wiped the lingering wetness from his chest. The sight of this man's bare skin made my body tingle and although I knew I didn't have the right to lust after the smooth texture of his rustic skin, I couldn't help it. He had filled out well and my body longed for just a hint of his warmth. I didn't care if he wanted to scream and yell at me all night and tell me what a horrible daughter and friend I was. At least he would be here doing it and that was all that mattered to me.

Surprisingly, he didn't bark or yell. He placed his hand on mine and offered words of consolation and friendship. I thought I was in some twisted dream because I couldn't believe this man was actually offering to be there for me in any way he could. I felt more guilt over his gesture than the loss of my own father. I felt like I didn't deserve his kindness or his love no matter how much I needed it. I tried to pull away but his hold over me just got stronger with each jolt. I begged for him to go, for in staying it only made things worse. He only reminded me of mistake and the more he tried to help, the worse I felt.

My pleas fell on deaf ears as I soon found myself within his embrace. I wanted to fight him, push him away, but I couldn't. This was where I was always meant to be; my body knew it and my mind fought hard to fight it. I rested my head on his shoulder, my lips sitting gently against the warm soft skin of his neck as I cried. I was so vulnerable and desperate for love I surrendered my pride and took advantage of his kindness.

We made passionate love that night and for once, I felt the void in my heart start to heal. I felt like nothing else mattered as long as he was there with me. I knew it was wrong to take advantage of him but he hadn't stopped my advances the whole time. I felt like he needed and wanted it just as much as I had. We never spoke afterwards which at the time, was ok but now when I think about it, maybe we should have. Maybe if we had spoken I would've known he was seeing someone and maybe I would have not taken the path I had chosen. I couldn't dwell on such matters because to be honest, even if I had known about it, I probably won't have stopped me anyway.

We were always meant to be together and that night just confirmed he was always what I needed. He provided me with so much and as hard as I tried to fight the urge to end it, I never could. Jake was made for me as I was for him. I was stupid to have let him slip away so I stood firm in my position to be what I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm not proud of what I continue to do and how our relationship is, but a small part of me believes he will come back to me. As naïve and selfish as it might sound, I know Leah was just an instant replacement for me. She was everything that I wasn't, a polar opposite to Jake, whereas I was a perfect match.

Call me delusional, a man stealer, whore or slut, it doesn't bother me in the least. I didn't care what others thought or how they whispered behind my back when in public. I knew Jake loved me and wanted to be with me and not her.

We had been seeing each other going on a year and yes he is still with Leah and yes I am aware I am what one might call "the other woman" but it didn't phase me in the least, at least not until recently. I was ok with sharing him and I didn't feel the least bit bad about it. I guess that is part of the problem right there. I was a hypocrite. I chastised Edward for doing what I myself was doing right now. Yeah, I'm fucked up in the head and yes I am wrong but I can't seem to let go. I know it is wrong to covet and even engage in sexual relations with a man who is involved but what about me? What about what I need? Call me selfish but don't I have a right to be loved too? Can I help it that the man I should have stayed with moved on when I didn't? Is it wrong to want happiness even when it means hurting someone else in the process? With that being said, isn't he also to blame? He could have stopped this from happening but he didn't. He not only made love to me that night but many nights there after, only proving to me he wanted to be with me over her.

However, this is not to say that our current situation is an easy one. There are many events that we both had to attend where the air reeked of frustration and anger. You have no idea what it is like to attend a function, alone and see the man you care for more than your own life, clinging to a woman that is not you. You have no idea what it feels like to watch them kiss and caress each other knowing that that same night he will be doing the same to you. The pain burns like a flame to flesh. Each touch breaks my heart just a little each time. I yearned to be her. I wanted to have what she had. I had given him all I had to give and she gets to reap the rewards of my efforts.

These thoughts fueled my anger and rage and most times, I would storm out feeling like just a cheap piece of ass. Maybe that was what I was, just a dirty whore. Often times those feelings were quickly dissolved when he pulled himself through my window at night. His soft caresses and sweet whispers of longing were just enough to keep me in line.

I knew they were empty promises and I knew he had no intentions of leaving her, but still I stayed. Maybe I stayed for the wrong reasons; maybe I felt I deserved such cruelty but either way I stayed. I had prayed that each night he came through my window, that it would be the final time and that magically I would wake up the next morning still in his arms. However, up until now those were just fantasies. Every night we made love and spoke about our future together and every morning, I woke up alone. How pathetic was I? I loved a man that wasn't mine to love and stayed in a relationship because I thought by some act of God he would realize that I was truly his soul mate and end his current relationship to be with me.

It had been five nights since the last time we saw each other and each night I stayed up waiting for him, the more angered I got. I had no one to blame but myself. I allowed him into my heart and willingly accepted the relationship as it was but it was starting to ware on me. After almost a year of this on and off situation, I started to see such error in what I was doing. It was unhealthy to live a fantasy that would never become a reality.

I felt my inner will and strength build with each passing night and when he finally did come around, boy was he in for a totally different Bella. I knew Jake didn't take kindly to demands or threats but I was too angry to care. I told him that I was tired of only having half his heart. I was tired of putting so much into this while she reaped the benefits. I didn't want to be Jake's "Friend"; I wanted to be more than his release, his outlet, his secret lover. I wanted Jake as a whole and if he wasn't willing to make that a reality, then that was it. I was done.

As expected, he was angry and told me that if I was that unhappy I could have stopped this long before it had ever gone this far. He was right. I was just as guilty as he was but I lived in a fantasyland and thought my prince charming had actually invited me to the ball this time. I hoped that he could see a future with me.

He huffed, buffed and mumbled inaudible responses under his breath. I sat there firm in my belief and through my tears, pleaded for him to see all I ever wanted was him. It tore me apart to share him and I was tired of being his dirty laundry. I was ready to move on and I had hoped he would stay with me for the ride.

His response was not what I'd expected. He walked towards the window and started to climb out. My resolve was broken with his gesture and pathetic me, crawled towards him and held his arm. I begged him to stay with me. I told him I was wrong to make him chose and that if he wanted to keep things as they were, I would. I was desperate. I needed him to see I could be more than a doormat. That I had more love in my heart than she did. I appreciated and loved him for who he was and not some pretty boy, show toy she made him out to be.

Ironically the whole ordeal played out as it had over two years ago except I was the beggar. I guess it's right what they say, what goes around comes around. Jake left me that night and I never saw him again. I waited by that windowsill for countless nights hoping he would see I was right, but that day never came.

I guess a small part of me knew this was inevitable and that it was more of a wake up call than anything else. What we were doing wasn't right in so many ways and I guess all along I knew that but I just lacked the strength to believe it.

I decided that night that Forks was no longer my home and I was better off starting someplace new. I couldn't part with all the memories so I just got up and left. I still own that quaint house in Forks but I haven't step foot it in for over four years.

I ended up finishing out college in Seattle and obtaining my masters in teaching. I figured if I wasn't going to have any kids of my own at least I could entertain someone else's. I landed a teaching job at the local elementary school and slowly regained my life.

I dated a few guys but none close to Jake. As much as I hated what I had done and the choices I had made, I couldn't help but feel they were all necessary to my inner growth. I learned to value my needs and myself and in turn, I held a whole new outlook on life. I no longer regretted my decision to leave with Edward nor my decision to be with Jake because somehow, all these growing pains were necessary in order for me to see that I didn't need a man to make me happy. Sure a man came in handy for all those little sexual itches but I had to be happy with who I was as a person before I could learn to love anyone else. My experiences had aided in my growth as a person and even if I had to do it all again, I wouldn't change a thing. I needed to feel pain in order to experience joy.

I was a firm believer in fate and destiny. I knew that if fate had its way, our paths would cross again and this time, it would be for the right reasons. Don't get me wrong I didn't hang out by the window hoping for the same thing as before, I knew better than that. I just believed that if Jake and I were meant to be together it would happen in its own time.

I was finishing my lesson plan late one night when my attention was called to a knocking at my classroom door. I shook my head thinking it was that dirty old principal begging me to go out on a date with him. The man was twice my age but I couldn't blame him for trying.

"Mr. Olson I told you…"

My response was cut short when I noticed it wasn't Mr. Olson standing on the other side of the door. I was rendered completely speechless when my eyes met the chest of the man I had loved so many years ago. My hands slipped over my opened mouth as my eyes rose to meet his. He looked back at me with not the slightest hint of surprise. It seemed almost like he had planned to surprise me.

"Bella" he said in that deep sexy voice

"Jake?"

His hands ran nervously through his hair before he responded. I could feel the angst and fear all tied up into a ball of air floating over both of us.

"I…um…well I stopped in to say hi. I'm the new Physical Ed teacher. Apparently Bob had a family emergency and I'm his replacement. You could imagine my surprise when I noticed your name on the list of staff. To be honest, I thought my sight was going or something. Anyway, I was wondering if you might be up for a drink, when you're done of course. I mean if you don't want to I understand."

"No, that's sounds great. Give me a few minutes. I will meet you in the parking lot."

"Sure" he replied with that signature grin of his.

I rushed through my paperwork and ran towards the parking lot like my car was on fire. When I reached my car and saw Jake wasn't there, you could imagine my disappointment. I frowned and went to open my car door. The loud roar of a motorcycle pulling right up beside me halted my movements.

When the motorist removed their helmet, my once sad heart was filled with joy. Jake smiled at me and said, "I thought you might like to ride in style. You know, like we use to."

I couldn't fight the blush that had seeped into my cheeks or the kool aid smile plastered all over my face. I hopped on the back of his bike and we left the school in the dust.

We arrived at the beach a little while later and I have to say, I was surprised. I had lived her for quite sometime and I never knew there was a beach so close to home. We dismounted the bike and walked through the sandy beach in silence. I didn't know what to say or how to react to his reemerge into my life but what I did know was that this time around, I was a much stronger individual.

We walked halfway down the beach and took a rest on a piece of driftwood that lied just short of the shore.

"The beach is nice at night don't you think?" Jake said as he stared out onto the sunset.

"Yes it is. I love the feeling of cool seawater against my face. Quite refreshing."

Jake nodded while still keeping his focus on the ocean line. After a few brief moments of silence, I felt his hand slid on top of mine. I can't say I didn't yearn for his warm touch but I was strong in my conviction that I didn't want to repeat the mistakes of my past.

"Jake…I…" I replied as I tried to move my hand from beneath his.

He turned to me and I could see such longing, desire and need within his fixed stare.

"Bella I know that what we had was real and I know what we did was wrong. It wasn't fair of me to drag you along and make you believe in something I couldn't. I had wanted you for so long and when you came back, I found it hard to fight those old feelings. I loved you then as I do now. I know our past is a rocky one but I hope that we can keep that in our past. I realized once I left that night that I was such a coward. I was a coward for sleeping with Leah and thinking only of you. I was a coward for not ending my relationship with Leah when I knew I still had feelings for you. I left you that night and confessed everything to Leah. I told her how I felt and what I had done. I owned up to my wrongs and even after all that, she was still willing to work it out. The problem was, I wasn't. I loved her for all the wrong reasons. I left her and Forks that night. I decided that my heart has always been yours and even if you could never take me back, I would be happy just being your friend. I'm not saying all this in the hopes you will forgive me but I do hope you might give me a chance to prove to you that I deserve to be in your life. I love you Bella."

I didn't know how to react. I had waited so long to hear those words it felt almost too good to be true. I took a moment and then responded.

"Jake I'm just as much to blame as you are. I knew what we were doing was wrong but I continued to do it. I wanted you anyway I could have you and I know now it was wrong to want what I couldn't have. I guess a part of me hoped that you would see that our sessions were more to me than just sex. Each night you left me, I felt more alone and every time I saw you with her I felt like I was being cheated. I guess in reality I was only feeling what you felt when I left with Edward. But I am different now. I learned that as bad as that situation was, it was crucial because it made me see what I really needed to see. My feelings although real weren't healthy. I clung to you as my lifeline and reason for living and when you left I felt my world crumble away to nothing. Your actions empowered me to want more and be more. I knew one day our paths would cross and that one-day you would drift back into my life. I often wondered what I would do when that day came. I guess there is no more guessing now is there."

I raised my hand and placed it on his cheek. "I love you Jake. I know it is hard to start off fresh with all these past memories around to haunt us but I can't fight my heart any longer. I have loved you all my life and it is the best thing that God has given me. I want a life with you Jake. I have never wanted anything more in my whole life and I can honestly say I think I am ready now. I am ready to travel into un-chartered waters with you. So my question to you is, will you stay with me?"

"Till my heart stops beating," he replied as he pulled me into the most passionate kiss I had ever had.

I didn't know what the future held for Jake and I. I didn't know if we were fated to be together or if our lives would take us down different paths as it had in the past. The only thing I could be sure of was that at least this go around it was just he and I. Two friends and future loves hanging on to each other as the winds of change brushed our way. I felt confident in us because when it came down to it, the relationship always worked when it was just Jake and Bells. It was how it always meant to be, Jacob and Bella united through friendship and bonded together by love.


End file.
